The Digital Dating Manifesto

Introduction

Features

A manifesto for a better loving world

❤️ draft 0.1 ❤️

• Personal control of algorithms through transparency

  Daters must have the absolute right to fully understand how the data they provide affects what is recommended and how changes influence different aspects of the matches and their experience. This helps people to understand and learn. Services should be aiding in daters' knowledge about themselves..

• Ownership and portability of personal profiles

  Daters must retain ownership of their profile and all associated personal data, both explicit and implicit. Data portability, encompassing the ability to transfer (rather than duplicate) this data to alternative platforms and services, must be facilitated. There should be no penalties, financial or otherwise, should be imposed upon users for exporting or importing their personal data via the portability function.

• Dating system must not prescribe a singular way to date and match

  Adopting a re-wilding paradigm within dating allows daters to engage in interactions that prioritise mutual benefit over the commercial interests of dating platforms. This approach offers significant advantages to diverse communities, including those with disabilities and specific conditions, by fostering authentic connections rather than subjecting them to restrictive algorithmic filtering.

• Dark patterns, gamification, ludic loops and enshittifcation should not be used in dating services

  All of the above and techniques described in addicted by design, must not be used to trick or convince people at a critical point of vulnerability in life. The business models must be legible and clear for all to understand and have agency around.

• No more grass is greener and tempting tricks

  Services must not contact/lure people back via emails, messages, tempting notifications, etc. With a lack of important information tempting daters to click through. Unsubscribe, suspend and pauses must be respected.

• No more hiring non-genuine daters to fill your dating service

  The dirty little secret of dating services filling the service with paid-for people pretending to be guanine daters. Is completely unacceptable and dating service must not use these techniques to fill the site. This would include non-human entities such as bots and AI unless made clear and transparent to the dater..

• The mental health of daters must take priority over profit

  Ethical considerations must be taken seriously for dating platforms that actively support daters well-being by providing tools that facilitate and encourage periodic breaks. There should be zero penalty to taking breaks or choosing to take things slower. In the same way you can apply a out of office message, this approach should exist too...

• Dating systems must not cause harm to society

  Dating systems must not encourage or mitigate behaviours such as ghosting, seagulling, abuse, etc. If within a closed ecosystem, identification of repeat abusive daters should be used.
  If outside a closed ecosystem, tools and systems should be easily deployable. Same as how spam filters can be local, centralised or networked. This allows certain communities to work together to avoid common abuse.

• Attractiveness is not global

  Global attractiveness is a myth and causes many more problems in society. Dating services must avoid global notions of attractiveness. Such metrics have implicit bias leaning on western standards of beauty and attractiveness. Even uploaded photos and videos have the embedded bias found in machine learning.

• End the Privatisation of Intimacy

  The business models must be clear and support a sustainable human future. No more fancy media talking about how much you want to be the app which people will use and delete. These must be backed up with real independently researched data.

• Dating systems should encourage healthy freedom of expression

  Profile, are constrained for brevity and should be replaced with a more expansive format. The dater, acting as the reader or writer, shall be given more granular control over the depth and breadth of information presented. This control extends to multimedia content, including photographs, audio recordings, and video files, as appropriate. Links should be presented, accompanied by a cautionary notification, but should not be removed except in instances of spam, illegal content or deliberate misrepresentation

• Dating systems for everyone

  Dating and intimacy are fundamental aspects of the human experience, deeply intertwined with our emotional well-being, mental health, and overall sense of belonging. That must be true of everyone regardless of sex, sexuality or preferences. Universal access underscores the belief that opportunities for romantic connection, companionship, and intimacy can not be considered a privilege but a universally accessible facet for human existence.

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